We will never be happy; in the world of the internet and social media today, we find ourselves being constantly bombarded by endless posts and stories of our friends, family or just random other people and, of course, influencers and celebrities having the time of their lives…being happy. This has led to an increase in the FOMO (fear of missing out) that we feel, making us feel more depressed as we yearn to have the same experience and fun that we see others having. With social media platforms having no small part in the role they play that contributes to this behaviour, they are constantly pushing the message that we are all the most special people in the world and that we all can do anything we want. That we should have these great experiences and successes to be happy.
However, the reality of the world is that for most of us, the majority of our lives will end up being not particularly interesting and that we will not always succeed in the things we want to do most and as clique as that may sound, it is simply the truth, and the faster we accept that, the more easily we can get to what’s important. Sounds too simple, doesn’t it? Accepting the truth of our lives’ reality is, in actuality, the way that we can escape from that pain and be happy. This acceptance of truth is one of the basic tenets of Buddhism, a spiritual way of thinking, and that the ultimate goal of Buddhism is to be free from suffering and pain, although it may seem ironic that to escape from our pain, we first need to accept it.
They are the Truth of Suffering, the Truth of the Cause of Suffering, the Truth of the End of Suffering, and the Truth of the Path that leads to the End of suffering.
The Four Noble Truths
Although I may not be a Buddhist, the message still is just as impactful; the basic message is that it is the basic truth of life that we all suffer even from things that seemingly serve to make us happy or fulfilled, similarly to how we suffer from the things we lack; those with wealth suffer from their riches, those who lack wealth suffer from their lack of riches; those with many friends and a large social group suffer from having many people in their lives, while those with no friends suffer from the lack of people in their lives. This comparison is made to show that no matter who you are or no matter what you have at the end of the day, each and every single one of us suffers in our own ways; of course, the argument is made that we must take the magnitude of suffering each person’s faces into account, which is obvious in comparing the kind of suffering someone with riches will face versus the kind of suffering that someone without it faces. However, the point being made here is that everyone has their own form of suffering that they deal with and not the kind of suffering they face.
This brings me to my first point about why we will never be happy. We all like to think of happiness as some milestone or goal that we can reach; however, the fallacy is in thinking that happiness itself is an obtainable goal, as if it’ll one day suddenly fall into your hands and you be satisfied with life forever and would no longer have to suffer.
This can lead many people to think that if it is impossible to be happy, then what is the point of living and life if it is all about suffering.
This is a completely understandable thought process; I mean, every one of us wants to be happy and not have to suffer and to be satisfied with our existence. However, when we think about what this means and break it down, we find that logically it does not make sense; let’s take being satisfied for instance, all of us want to rid ourselves of the feelings of dissatisfaction in life and to be perfectly content with what we have. At the same time, this is still a good sentiment in itself; from a logical standpoint, being dissatisfied is an evolutionary trait we possess that continually pushes us forward to improve upon our situation in life.
For example, let’s say we have 2 animals that we are observing, with one being content and satisfied all the time while the other isn’t; we will find that the animal that is constantly dissatisfied will be the one that will continue to survive. In contrast, the satisfied animal will never seek to improve upon its situation and ends up dying. It is an inherent part of us to constantly feel as if we never have enough, and it continues to drive us forward in life. However, it is reasonable to note that there is a logical line needed to be drawn. Although we may always want more, being able to fully accept what we do have and appreciate it is crucial in seeking happiness.
My next point about happiness, it used to be a common conception that happiness is found in having wealth and material possessions. While the perceptions of happiness have shifted from material possessions to today, where our measure of happiness and success comes from the kinds of experiences we have, the more fun/social and unique they are, the happier we are. However, although the message has seemingly changed, the underlying truth remains the same: to be happy, we need to obtain or reach a certain goal in life.
Take, for example, my experience as a student in Junior College; I want to obtain good results for my exams so that I may get a good place at university; that I would be happy if I scored good results. However, as I’m sure many university students will attest to, that short term form of happiness will be replaced by the new stresses you will face at university. That the joy felt graduating from university with a degree would be, in turn, replaced by the pressures of finding a job. That even the happiness we feel from getting a job may quickly be replaced by the new stresses faced in that job.
The point being made here is that happiness is not a goal to achieve, that even if we feel moments of happiness, it is all short-lived and, like all good things, it will go away. Instead, we should look at happiness from a different point of view. Often, we feel the greatest pleasure or joy in life comes after overcoming major challenges and problems in our lives. Put it simply; we find happiness after suffering.
The pursuit of happiness; although this phrase might be contradictory to my previous sentiments, for me, what this means is that it is the pursuit of happiness itself; trying to be happy is the way to find happiness. Happiness is not achieved when we solve all of our problems. Instead, true happiness is a process that would take up the entirety of our lives trying to do.
That true happiness comes from finding the problems in life that you want to suffer for and that you don’t mind suffering for. If life is indeed about suffering, then happiness comes from finding what is worth suffering for.