Light shines in the darkest places —
If you know where to look
How many ways can you describe the abyss of death? When you gaze into it, it gazes back. If you love it, does it love you back?
Loss of a love is a special feeling of depth. A depth so deep it’s simultaneously unfathomable and fathomable. A void you scream into that never replies.
———
You\’ve gazed upon their being. The one you’ve grown to tolerate and love. Every mole, blemish, and imperfection of their soul, giving life to this perfect creature before you, bound to you by an unexplainable thread. It’s a presence that you’ve tested and similarly, have been tried by. Yet, you’ve never cast it out. Always occupying the same room in your heart, proving that there was always so much more you could have offered. Nevertheless, they’ve wandered around in there and gradually made claim of the rooms they’ve passed by, adding their own little sticky notes in the book of “you”.
———
Now, you gaze upon that same heart. It was far bigger than you could have ever imagined. It surprises you that such an immense volume of nothingness could exist within your tiny frame. For a brief moment that lasts a lifetime, you peer into the black, unable to focus. Your eyes have nothing to focus on. Seeing blind, you leap in, perhaps hoping to catch the fabled glimpse of comfort. Perhaps a shimmering crinkle in the ink black fabric offering serendipity. But nothing happens. You are still on that edge, diving deeper, cascading into darker, staler depths by which time a profound feeling of helplessness and solitude cocoons you entirely and your world is perfectly black. Time stopped when they fell still in your arms. The world lost its colour when the casket became heavy. Existence was cold as you watched the fire. And now your world will never be again.
———
“And soon as you submit
Surrender flesh and bone
Love takes on a life
Far greater than your own
It uses you at will
And drives you to despair
And forces you to feel
More joy than you can bear
Love gives you pleasure
Love gives you pain
And yet when both are gone
Love will still remain”
~ Love Never Dies, Andrew Lloyd Webber